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Desperately Dreaming

Lately, I have been working super hard. Trying to make sales and pay off my bills but also I have been dreaming alot lately. I been dreaming about love for the past week or so and it pains me sometimes. Dreams to me, especially if they are about love, is like a tease to me. You can have this but then you can't. I dream alot about love about the romance the chemistry. I desperately am searching to find the one but like many have said
" don't find love, love will find you." This got me thinking. If we told everyone that then who will be the one that is searching for you?

The men that I have been dreaming about is tall dark handsome. But I can never see his face. I can feel his warm embrace but everytime I turn around to look at his face or kiss him, he disappears. Don't you just hate those dreams where you are about to kiss them then POOF they are gone or you wake up? But I also dream about famous people too but then again what are my chances with them right?

I hate to dream about love because it is a tease. A tease that says this is what you can have but you cannot have it. I will let u taste it but you cannot eat it. One day i will find love. Someone who is tall, taller than me. Dark hair dark eyes. I will even settle for green or blue. I know that I will find it. Its a little harder right now, now that i have some cleaning up to do in my life. But someway somehow i will find that man that will treat me right and not like all the other men that treated me like a sex toy.

Life as the other me?

Lately, I have been faced with the question on whether or not I would be willing to transition into becoming a full time girl. I am always faced with this question. My life as a girl, would it be different from my life as a man? Would I have more opportunities as a woman? I replay these scenarios in my head over and over again. Making lists of my pros and cons of being a man and a woman. They seem to balance each other and I am happy with what I got.

Every time I am face with this question is when I meet a guy for the first time and they want to know if I am going to transition. Are they afraid to see me as a girl? I know they are not attracted to me as a boy but they are attracted to me as a woman. But how is that any different? You like penis right? All it is, is me in some makeup. It is a mask I wear. They claim to be "straight" but love penis. I would question his sexuality because someone who wants to be with a Transgendered woman understands his sexuality very much versus someone who just want a one night stand.

These are the questions which i am face with. If i could spend one day as a woman I want to know how much I can get accomplished then I would make a decision. So would I be happy living as the other me? How would things be different ?

A New Day.. A New Blog

I have decided once again to start blogging again about everything and anything on my mind. Recently I have been inspired to do such a crazy thing but now since all my friends are moving on with their lives I have no one to "vent" to. I stopped for while due to crazy life changing circumstance and now I am back better than ever.

Today on my mind, Men. Funny how my post are all about men and my tribulations with them but today is a different kinda men. Married Men and Discreet Men. Over and over again these men are hitting me up wanting to confess their love to me and to make fall for them. But are you not married? Leaving me to think otherwise that either these men are not sexually attracted to their wives anymore or maybe something more internally. Married Men have been chasing me ever since I started to want to dress up as a woman. Sometimes they even ask me if i want to be their "mistress". A man is a sexual beast attracted to sexy women who take care of themselves. I don't understand women sometimes. I know it is hard living in a sexual world where men tend to dominate. But you owe it to yourself because Women have the power. Someone once told me:

"may be the trunk and the branches of a tree,  but it is a woman who is the root of the tree

they can bend their men at a whim."

Power is everywhere its up to you to take that power and do what you need to do with it in order to make them bend at your will. 

My other problem is Discreet Men. These men also have been chasing me for while. But because I am not a "full time woman" they don't want anything to do with me. They are attracted to these women who hold a secret between their legs but they are afraid to be seen with a man so they go for transgender women. They want to have their cake and eat it too. 

I am not willing to give into these type of Men. I can't even attract a gay man who wants a effeminate man. What has the world come to?

Thanks for listening and reading. I hope you all well come back everyday to read as I go throughout my life again.